Let me begin by saying explicitly that whatever definition I, you or anyone else has about love is absolutely irrelevant because only God’s definition has value. It will be his definition of love which will be the basis for his judging each one of us. Only God will decide whether we have loved him, our neighbor and ourselves and it will be based on his definition of love.
Love in the scriptures is the central and core element of all relationships whether vertical (man to God) or horizontal (women/man to women/man). One expert in the law came to Jesus and wanted to know the greatest commandment; Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.” And he went on to say, “The second is: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:30, 31). Paul goes on to tell us, love fulfills all the requirements of the law of God (Romans 13:8-10 & Gal 5:14)
Biblical love is not simply a sentiment, platitude, or indefinable emotion. Love is not a warm spot in one's chest. The excelling nature of biblical love is repeatedly taught in the scriptures. Love is the "first and great commandment" upon which all other laws and requirements depend (Matt. 22: 34-40). Love motivates required obedience (Heb. 5: 8, 9; John 14: 23, Gal. 5: 6). The expression "labour of love" is simply labour that love produces (I Thes. 1: 3). Christians are to serve one another by love (Gal. 5: 13). Love works no ill toward one's neighbour and produces confidence (Rom. 13: 10; I Jn. 4: 17, 18). Paul summed up the excellence of love when he wrote thus, "And above all these things put on charity (love, agape, phileo), which is the bond of perfectness" (Col. 3: 14).
In any articles or studies on love, three Greek terms for love are usually referred to, namely: Eros (sexual love), Phileo (verb) or Philos (noun) (Godly love, saved and unsaved mans love) and Agapao (Verb) or Agape (noun) commonly used for God’s love for Jesus, humanity, believers, attitude of believers towards each other, and in general terms.
Eros Love is never mentioned in the Bible. But we start here. Why? Because sexual love is what most people call love. In many cultures, eros is also romantic love, and according to a research done in the United States, is the main reason people get married and over half of both American men and women maintain that not being in love (eros) is grounds for divorce!
The Greeks in Corinth viewed eros as the ultimate religious expression. They thought the highest spiritual experience was the most powerful form of ecstasy. And, what could be more intense than sexual climax? That is why there existed in Corinth the temple to Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty. At one time, this fertility cult employed about one thousand priestess prostitutes available to provide the ultimate “religious experience.” Paul referred to this problem in 1 Corinthians 6:15-20.
Bible teaching about Christian love is quite contrary to the Greek notion of the highest form of love – or religion. For Christian love, the highest form is agape and Phileo.
Agapao & Agape:
There is a false teaching here by some that agapao/agape is Divine love. How can we then explain John 3:19 where reference is made to men loving (agapao) darkness? The word in both verb and noun form is expressed by God and men (saved and unsaved) 2 Cor 9:7; 1Jn 2:10; Jn 3:19; Mt. 5:26; 6:24; 24:12,14; Lk 6:32;7:42;7:47; Jn 12:43; 2Tim 4:10; 2Pet 2:15; 1Jn 2:15;3:18;Rom 5:8; Eph 5:2;Rev 2:4.
The verb form, agapao appears 150 times in the New Testament (NT). Actually, this NT word in both verb and noun form stands in sharp contrast to eros, and is rarely used outside the NT. The basic meaning of agapao is, “to value, or esteem, because of a perceived intrinsic worth”. It means to highly value, and unconditionally have at heart the genuine welfare and best interests of the object loved. The activities arising from agapao are primarily acts of the will-not emotions. Even if feelings do become present they never dominate the will. In other words, it includes a rational commitment and motivation to maintain a relationship even in the face of problems. It directs kindness, respect and loyalty toward the object loved.
God expresses Christian love toward us (John 3:16; cf. Romans 5:5, 8), and Jesus explained this self-sacrificial love, “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:12, 13). This love is fully described by Paul in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. This kind of love can be directed (wrongly) toward the things of this world, which might include cars, clothes, cameras, money, fame, and power (1 John 2:15-17).
The Biblical teaching about Christian love indicates it should form the foundation of believer’s relationships with one another (John 13:35). Agape/agapao love demonstrates our friendship with Jesus (John 15:14), and expresses our Christian love toward God (1 John 5:1-3).
But there is another word used in the New Testament that also defines Christian love and that is, Phileo (Verb) and Philos (Noun). Phileo is also expressed both by God and man (saved and unsaved). The primary meaning of phileo is “to cherish”. It is packed with emotion. It means to like, to be fond of, or to delight in. In some context it is translated “to Kiss”. It is a term for intense endearment. The noun philos means friend or a congenial associate. It is never brotherly love or human love (Mt. 5:43-44; 22:37;Mk 10:21;Lk 7:5, 47; Jn 3:16; Jn 3:35; Jn 13:1;14:23, 31;Rom 8:28;Rom 9:25). It originates from God. In John 5:20 we read that Jesus says, “For the Father loves (phileo) the Son and shows him everything he does… In this passage phileo is an activity of God towards his son Jesus. It is generated from within God himself and is as important as agapao.
In a marriage relationship, the dominant fire of eros gradually gives ground to the mature agapao/phileo of affection. Agapao/Phileo becomes the cement that bonds and holds families together over the long haul.
Jesus displayed this Christian love toward Lazarus, as observed, “Lord, behold, he whom You love (phileo) is sick” (John 11:3). In addition, John also wrote of this relationship, “Now Jesus loved (agape) Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus” (John 11:5). John also reveals that God displays friendship love (phileo) toward us, and believers toward Jesus (John 16:27).
So, what practical application can we draw from the Bible teaching about Christian love? Let’s look.
Practical Applications
- Christian love is important. It forms the relationship foundation between us, God, and other believers – and all people (cf. 1 Thessalonians 3:12).
- All three kinds of love are vital and important in a healthy marriage relationship. Phileo can be thought of as love from the heart, and agape from the head. Agape should be the foundation in a marriage. But, sex is important also. Successful love in a marriage incorporates all three.
- Agape love is the sign of the Holy Spirit in a Christian’s life (Galatians 5:22).
- Both agape and phileo should characterize the relationships among Christians (Romans 12:9, 10)
